When the movement starts to have me canonized, folks will be digging around for the three necessary certified miracles. Here's number three:
This can of shaving cream looks and feels empty, but it has continued to ooze gel for TEN shaves and counting!
For numbers 1 and 2, click 'read more'.
1 -- Newark, Ivy St. playground, 1954: In the bottom of the 9th I caught Tommy Spamponata's two-out, bases loaded sinking liner in left-center BAREHANDED to secure a 12-11 victory;
2 -- Hof, Bavaria, 1960: Falling down drunk, as the anchor man of our bowling team, with 9 open frames on my scorecard, I knelt on the foul line, beseeched Christ to help me, then rolled three straight strikes to beat the visiting Heidelberg fencing team by a single pin!!!
Just think, if Jack had started shaving with an electic razor, God would one day be denied another copywriter.
ReplyDeleteNah, I've got at least another half-dozen certifiable miracles tucked away -- I'll be remembered right up there with Thomas Aquinas!
ReplyDeleteHere's a couple more, just to impress:
A 93 on Mr. Ronco's freshman history final, when the highest grade I had all semester was 60. I needed a 90 to pass;
I lost a ten-dollar bill coming back from a grocery errand for my mom. White-faced with anger, she pointed to the door and said, "Find that ten dollars!" (Our monthly rent, btw, was $23)I went down the stairs fully believing I would never be allowed back -- I found the ten on the sidewalk -- the heavily traveled Newark sidewalk -- in 3 minutes!