Printed without Jaxonia comment -- It's not fair, but Valentine's Day is what it is!
By Sarah Miller
If you're a man who loves Valentine's Day, well, you're probably out buying a heart pendant at Kay Jewelers or making dinner reservations at a place called Whispers, and you don't need to sit down and read this. Plus you are probably wearing a tutu and I have heard it is hard to sit down in a tutu.
I don't care if you hate Valentine's Day. That's not the point.
The point is this is the day when SHE takes the temperature of your relationship�and, trust me, it pays to be healthy on Valentine's Day. You can do one really nice thing and you'll earn the right to spend the rest of the year deliciously scratching wherever you want to scratch.
A woman has had a good Valentine's Day if it inspires jealousy in her friends. I know that's not nice or sweet, but if you wanted nice and sweet you'd be on the phone right now with Karyn, the reservations manager at Whispers, and I happen to know you're not.
You so definitely don't want to put your girlfriend or wife in a position where one of her friends says, "What did you do for Valentine's Day?" and she is forced to say, "Oh, nothing," or, worse, "Oh, Jim got me some flowers, and then we went to Shoney's."
The key word for Valentine's Day is special. Dinner out is special, and it doesn't have to be expensive, but it should at least be dark. Mind you, dinner, though special, is not sufficient. There needs to be some kind of takeaway, a tangible object, proof of adoration.
Jewelry is always special. Cute bras and underwear are special�but they have to be expensive, or they are not special. Anything that feels flammable is not special. (Don't believe me? The MensHealth.com Valentine's survey of women backs me up.)
No money? Well, can you afford some glue? Some red glitter? Then you're in luck. Make a heart shape with the glue. Pour the glitter on the glue heart. Wait for it to dry. Shake off excess. Write "I love you" and your name, and prepare yourself for gratitude (probably sexual) and a year of serious coasting.
You don't even have to write "I love you." You can just sign your name. Why? Because you took the time to draw a heart with glue and glitter�that's why. It's something special, and it's that easy.
So, are you going to argue, or are you going out to buy some glue?
Good boy.
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